Happier With You
by owlwayssandforever
Summary: After the Battle of Hogwarts, Ginny looks for comfort, but she's not quite ready to find it with Harry yet.


**_A/N: Don't be fooled by the title, there is nothing happy about this story. Ahead is angst and depression, you have been warned. But seriously, there's descriptions of depression and mentions of sex, and like, ALL the angst. So enjoy. Post-Battle of Hogwarts Ginny._**

 _Aint nobody hurt you like I hurt you  
_ _But aint nobody need you like I do  
_ _I know that there's others that deserve you  
_ _But my darling I am still in love with you_

Ginny met him a few weeks after the Battle. She couldn't take the suffocating grief of the Burrow any longer, so she walked down to Ottery St. Catchpole by herself, just to be alone. Her mouth was twisted down, hinting at a frown, a permanent look of late, and her eyes stared dead ahead, barely seeing, not registering anything about her surroundings, including the dark haired boy walking toward her from the intersecting street. He was holding a book, deeply entrenched in its text, and evidently did not see Ginny either, as the two of them promptly collided, and Ginny found herself sprawled in the dust.

"I'm sorry, I didn't see you there, it was entirely my fault," the boy said, reaching out a hand to pull Ginny back to her feet.

"No, it's fine, I was… I was…" she couldn't seem to find the words to explain her mindlessness, so she just let her voice drift off as she pushed herself up, wiping the dust off her hands on her denim shorts.

"Distracted?" he suggested, cocking an eyebrow, and Ginny nodded. She looked more carefully at the boy, and it was difficult to miss that he was very attractive. His hair was a chocolate brown, and it hung in thick curls around his ears. He had light brown eyes, which matched his light brown skin. "I'm Sami."

"Sorry, Ginny," she answered, realizing that she had been staring, but she did not blush.

"I don't think I've seen you here before, Ginny," Sami said, his eyes boring into her own with an intense focus.

"My family has a farm a little ways away," she said, reciting the lie they had been taught from childhood about the Burrow. "You busy right now?"

"Not really," he replied, folding down the corner of his page and tucking his book under his arm.

—

Ginny walked down to the village just about every day to see Sami, though she adamantly refused to let him come to the Burrow. It wasn't just the magic, it was everything that she didn't want to tell him about. Why people tiptoed around her, why Harry couldn't look her in the eye, why one wrong word would make her mother burst into tears, why George looked skinner every single day, why the entire property felt about as lively as a morgue. They didn't talk much at all, and when they did, they focused mainly on Sami's A levels. She enjoyed learning about muggle things, particularly muggle history, and the ancient kings and queens. He told her stories that he had grown up with, before his family moved to the UK, and she loved the ones about Scheherazade the most.

They didn't spend much time talking, however. Ginny preferred to tangle her fingers in his curls, and he rather liked to trace his fingers over her freckles, drawing patterns in them like constellations across her body. They moved faster than she had with any of her other boyfriends, though none of it was new for Ginny. In the early days with Dean, before they had started fighting about secret feelings for other people, things had felt so good, and she hadn't had any qualms about taking the last step with him. It didn't matter to her that she felt next to nothing for Sami, it wasn't about feeling something in particular, it was about feeling anything. She felt nothing all the time, just numbness and a throbbing ache in her chest, like she was having a heart attack all the time. But when she was with Sami and their clothes were off and his hands were on her skin, she felt alive, and that was so much better than the other thing.

It did not escape Sami's attention that Ginny seemed to always be in the middle of a dense, dark cloud. He didn't miss the far off look in her eyes, or the way her lips always tugged down at the corners, even when she smiled. He noticed the way her eyes would glaze over, almost like she was about to cry, and then she would grab his shirt or his hand or his chin and pull his lips to hers, crashing together like waves during a violent storm. He knew there was something buried in the depths of her mind or her heart or both, something she was not ready or willing to share with him, and that was alright. Sami knew she was using him to run away, and that was alright with him.

It was not alright with Ron, who caught them snogging heatedly one day when he came to find Ginny for dinner. He yelled, and Sami had the decency to look abashed, but Ginny merely rolled her eyes and walked back up the hill towards the Burrow, Ron trailing behind her, still unleashing a barrage of beratement.

"Ginny, what the hell do you think you're doing, running around with a muggle boy, doing - having - I swear Ginny, if you come home pregnant…" Ron fumed, his ears scarlet with rage.

Consumed with anger, Ron apparently did not realize that they had just come within earshot of Harry, who was leaning against the gate, waiting for them. He immediately stood straight up, his face darkening as though a shadow had crossed over it, and to someone who did not know him as well, Harry might have looked frightening.

"What?" he hissed, his voice seething, and his green eyes fixed on Ginny with a burning intensity. "What the hell have you been doing that would make that a concern?"

"Harry, mate," Ron backpedalled, trying to placate his friend, who looked as though steam might begin pouring from his ears.

"I can do whatever I want," Ginny fired back defiantly, a little bit of her old fight kicking back up as she looked at the two boys who wanted nothing more than to boss her around.

"And apparently whoever," Ron snorted angrily, unfortunately loud enough for Harry to hear.

"You shouldn't be doing anything!" Harry fumed, barely controlling himself enough to keep from yelling.

"It's not the first time," Ginny shrugged, and Ron closed his eyes, having just been told something he very much did not want to know.

"That doesn't make it any better," Harry gritted through his teeth, his hands running furiously through his messy hair.

"Why should you care who I have sex with?" Ginny challenged, somewhat spoiling for a fight. Ron threw his hands in the air and briskly walked back towards the house, unable to hear any more.

"I - I care," Harry stammered, fidgeting with his glasses, somewhere between anxious and incensed.

"Why?" Ginny pressed, stepping closer, her body language radiating anger and irritation. "Why does it matter to you who I sleep with, hmm? You left! You left to go hunt Voldemort, and then you left to go die, so why do you get to care?"

"Because I love you!" Harry burst out, much louder and angrier than he would have liked to say it. "Because I love you and I know you love me, and I thought you wouldn't want to be with anyone for a while, but you being with someone else, Gin it's killing me. It's meant to be you and me, Gin, you know it, so what're you doing messing around with some other guy?"

"Don't you get it?" she answered, barely containing a scream. "Don't you understand that's exactly why it has to be someone else? Harry, with you it's seven years leading up to this and everything to come, it's our whole lives, and I can't do that right now, I just need someone to remind me that I am alive."

"I could be that…" Harry started, but Ginny shook her head.

"No you couldn't," she said sadly. "Harry, when you look at me you see the war, you see all of our friends' bodies, you see me lying in the Chamber at 12 with Riddle standing over me, you see Colin and Lavender and… when you look at me, you see the emptiness that Fred left behind, and I can't, I can't…" her voice cracked as she choked on the tears she had been fighting to hold back for weeks.

Harry didn't know what to say, so he simply nodded and took a step backwards. He understood what she was saying, in essence. That this, whatever she was doing now, whatever she had going on with this guy, it was helping her heal. He didn't like it, but he had no choice.

"Harry?" her voice was soft, and he looked back at her. "It'll be you in the end, it's just, I just can't right now. But I don't expect you to, I mean if you want to you can -"

"No, you're it for me, Ginny," Harry answered, picking up on what she was trying to say. "I love you, and that's it."

"I can't love anyone yet," Ginny replied quietly, and Harry nodded, understanding. She had too much grief inside her to love at the moment. But one day, maybe even one day soon, she wouldn't. He turned and walked toward the house, leaving Ginny standing at the gate. The sun was setting and it cast an orange glow over the hillside, setting her hair on fire. She took a deep breath and wiped her eyes quickly, and then turned to the house for dinner with her family.


End file.
